the deepdark dear

Slow Growing

2009-05-30T01:12:00.000-06:00

the familiar bend

below shall contain any &/or all of the following: pictures, random thinkings, random readings, ephemera, etc.

Explicitly

2008-03-19T13:12:00.000-06:00

Dear,

Unflinching, human America this
Won’t be pleasant America this
Will be such a mess
America I’d like to America I’d
Like so much to pick & to choose America
‘Hands, heart, not value made us’
But you America you make me so very very
Therefore America Therefore I must America
What hurt America so much America’s what hurt
ANGRY, ASHAMED made me
‘You’ America can there be a ‘me and’ now?
Can there America ‘we’ America, can ‘we’ come out?
America don’t make me say don’t force me to
Don’t or else America I swear I’ll
Say nothing say I see no way America together
Sometimes I think sometimes America
When America as small as the smallest heart
You are bigger than
Vicious close-fisted America so my face
America my face so hurt
Are you at all like me are you at all? Do you ever
So this is hard America this is hard to say
This is hard America
How to keep America if
To keep America
America is there any, is there any, else –
Is there none such America nowhere we
So hard America is TRYING seen see, see
DISPROVE US LEAST AS THINGS OF LOVE APPEARING
America to you America for you and you just
America to you America in writing this to you
America that is to say America
Even if you America I do
Have a heart & it has America heavier than broken
Once again America our lives America is
Our lives are falling apart America
America so I want to sleep more once again &
I am sleeping more America to leave more
America again our lives
Worry, work, wait, broke, work what’s made us
America they are falling apart & we know
& POETRY WILL NOT SAVE THEM

America that is to say America but

Last night I will tell you America I had
But do you care?
A dream sleeping more America as I was
In some small town some America where
But do I care?
Straight rows America of corn barely
Tall America barely green & next to them
America I know it’s stupid
Something seeded & in less than
A day I could see America sunflowers
Had grown taller than the corn & greener
Casting long shadows America & tilting
But what does it mean America today &
I know you think it stupid
It means nothing America nothing anyway
To say today to say I am so sad America

Sometimes I think sometimes America

Dare I say it America baldly America dare
I say America it so loudly America dare I
Dare you to say it
Back
What is it you think you deserve America?
I was trying to say I am
America
I was trying to say America
You seem America now to have lost me
Do you really want to? Say you don’t need
What it is America say what you want from &
What it is you want America to deserve
America you must but you
Won’t America won’t you say you once
Loved me enough to say
You wanted America what is appearing

Us least as of love America could
Be no more giving than America
Listen America I am more tired
Than tired America
I wanted so to tell you so
America about America &
Listen I wanted to weep
Were ‘we’ ever better America ever
Sincere as America how can you not
& I wanted to know why
Will you not open America & then
A crack – will you not let it yet
Clacked closed so quickly how America
Too tired America fundamentally closed
Take root
How could you? Fundamentally America
Hearts
Hands
What make us most America I thought so
Listen the noise under America is part of
Is more the music than
The music America briefly singing in
A face America that is to say America
I am aware of how this sounds &
Hurt
A voice was America was trying to keep
From breaking America & did you hear
But it was bigger than this taking such care
Sometimes America music in spite of music’s systems
I thought you must have America since
I thought America past hope of such
Why wouldn’t you cling then to

I can no more disown than disown America

Though America would disown me
There it there a voice broke America there
Did you even – America & not even how
Will it end America it will & then
How can I go on with you if
Will you be worth it America in the end
You forget the noise the music needs if system’s are to be
Will it in the end America will it have been worth it if
One should say America that is to say alone
Do not break this or I WILL let go
‘NO NO NO’ America don’t spit out what heart’s
Left America don’t spit it out & say it is for music’s sake

America that is to say but then America did SPIT

America once again our lives
No
Matter

WHO OR WHAT OR HOW WE LOVE

these will not save them

America is this what you think I deserve America

America it is America you mourn for

Unflinchingly human America as if
Anything has changed America here have
You always been America so? America
This is what you’ve done
What I’ve done
To me America I am saddened by
America I am so by how much I –
And here America I have been too free
With what I mean America that is
To say America
Undeniably
America
Forcefully
America
Falsely
America
Believe America start over as if
Without me
Because America if you hear nothing
America but America because I
Loved you once America
Surely such sadness means
& now I’m not so sure
I care America for how hurt you may be
America’s what hurts America
& what my life America your life depends on

Sometimes I think sometimes America maybe

A postscript America perhaps America if
Your heart is America everywhere &
So America therefore nowhere then
Say what the fuck you mean America
Honestly or else America is it about
The money? America can you be
Bought America because truthfully I too
Am waiting working waiting America for
My money America & if I had America
If I had it all I’d give it to you America if
You’d say America if you’d say then
Everything everyone everywhere would be
America would you be okay then America?
That is to say America if you still care
America more than small America our lives
Need more than small kindnesses to
Cling to America in our lives are needed
America

Yours,

The Better Angels of Our Nature

2008-03-05T14:09:00.002-06:00

My 2 cents: As a woman who supports feminist principles, I was initially conflicted about my support of Obama. I do not hate Hillary Clinton, & in general, I think it an incredibly positive/exciting primary given its historic significance. I will say, however, my decision not to support Hillary comes down to two things:

#1. in terms of the candidate that upholds, not all, but most (in my view) feminist principles (through actions, through issues) is Barack Obama-- despite the nefarious/distorting emails sent by NOW. This isn't just in relation to abortion issues - his grassroots work on poverty, his objection to the war, his questioning of prevailing political discourses (i.e. how is it helpful to anyone?), & his willingness to listen to those he fundamentally disagrees with in order to arrive at tangible outcomes/compromises that will provide relief for those needing it etc. Yes, he is a politician, I won't deny that, but one I genuinely believe wants to be a public servant first & foremost. Clinton has run a very perfect 'old-school' campaign...my biggest complaint would be what I see as her reaching out to women when it helps her campaign (& the argument that because she's a woman she has women's best interests at heart) &, at the same time, catering to sexist tropes in letting(?) Bill Clinton campaign so heavily (seemingly in place of her). I think both she & Obama are in very very difficult spots concerning sexism, expectations of gender, gender & race political/cultural discourses etc. I know that this affects how Clinton is running her campaign, & where my guilt comes from....but.....

#2 Given their similar policy proposals/ideas on the issues (though I wouldn't say they're exactly the same), it comes down to their beliefs/ideas about power -- & I think Clinton's comment about LBJ/MLK says a lot - it says something about race, yes, but even more so about her ideas about where the power is in our democracy -- She believes it ultimately rests with the president, not with THE PEOPLE. I think Obama's appeal to others has to do with this important difference - He NEEDS these people & their votes, he knows it & the people know it -- He knows he NEEDS to listen to those in congress & the senate if there is to be any helpful/important legislation to be passed etc. He knows this because THIS is where the power is supposed to be (&, implicitly, this is what would be more than beneficial to 'return' to).

Especially given the recent stories about the super importance of the super delegates (& Clinton's 2 to 1 support from them) --each one of which is worth the equivalent of roughly 15,000 individual votes-- literally, they are 'super-humans'(!?!) -- I'm not sure Clinton's campaign has resonated with people because, despite what is SAID by her campaign, it is obvious that she knows the 'establishment' firsthand, & sees no problem with wanting to belong to it on ITS terms. This, of course, is due to her 'longer record' in politics, but I see no evidence to support her rejecting business as usual any time soon (or any reason why she should if she were to get the nomination). Obama is at an advantage in terms of this, & while any belief I have about whether he will remain true to these principles as president is supposition &, as the Clinton campaign puts it-- despite my own researching of the candidates' records etc., I am making "a gamble" -- I know that what's behind my 'gamble' is something truly important & should not be discouraged in ANY voter -- hope that finally I will have a president who, at the very LEAST, needs , & wants to, listen to ALL voters, who knows it is in the country's best interests (& his own) to do so.

UPDATE: I no longer feel guilty at all in terms of vigorously opposing Clinton -- for example, her "style not substance" - which is patently false & not based on facts - *seems* to be inferring something akin to affirmative action etc. Coupled with this, the execution of her answer to "Do you think Obama is a Muslim" was patently offensive to *everyone* & really speaks to her 'win-at-all-costs' (including costs to her own dignity) mindset in *thriving* on racism within her own party.

New Mexico

2008-02-20T13:05:00.004-06:00

Above: Petroglyph, Sunset in & rattlesnake holes
Below: White Sands, Clementine skin

Books & wonderfuls

2007-08-18T20:29:00.000-06:00

Erica Hunt's Time Slips / Right / Before Your Eyes
&
Carla Harryman's Open Box

Get 'em!

2007-08-16T15:54:00.000-06:00

For my b-day (2 weeks back) C- gave me the following:

antique bee smoker &

(home) hand-made card

& in other news, my chapbook Mock Martyrs / Abound was accepted by dancing girl press & C-'s chapbook Lo, Bittern is due out (around the same time) from Atticus/Finch. C- also busted some gecko(?) eggs (lodged in the smoke detector & therefore showered down when he took it off to check its problematic beeping), they've mown the cornfield down, I finished my syllabus & an unsatisfying poem sequence, & we're leaking money. We also watched Inland Empire, which was 'enjoyable' -- the 'girl behind the marketplace' indeed.

Saw Mueck @ the Fort Worth Modern

2007-07-29T11:08:00.000-06:00

Somewhat terrifying, but exhilarating. I *loved* that almost every single one of the sculptures looked completely suspicious of the viewer &, frankly, kinda pissed off at the viewer as well. The only piece I did not enjoy was "Dead Dad" - theoretically, I understand it, but in the end, it's not just theoretical & it just seemed wrong.

Curating Niedecker for Hex

2007-07-18T10:03:00.000-06:00

Here are my words for the set for hex press:

Niedecker set: (using the Penberthy Collected)
1st die:
1. pearl-flowered (from "Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)
2. pond ( " "Paean to Place", begins p. 261)
3. wades ( " [I knew a clean man], p. 208)
4. hotly ( " "The Graves", p. 175)
5. landless ( " [Nearly landless ...], p. 138)
6. monster ( " [A monster owl], p.102)

2nd die:
1. things ("Paean to Place", begins p. 261)
2. overdear ([I am sick with the Time's buying sickness], p. 157)
3. maybe ([Paul], p. 137)
4. question's ([What bird would light], p. 137)
5. muddy ([I knew a clean man], p. 208)
6. bomb

3rd die:
1. community ("Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)
2. digests ("Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)
3. unbought ("Paean to Place", begins p. 261)
4. violets ( "Thomas Jefferson Inside", p. 291)
5. clean-sung ([They live a cool distance], p. 160)
6. street ("(L.Z.)", p. 125)

4th die:
1. factory-long ("Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)
2. buckled ("Paean to Place", begins p. 261)
3. birdstart ("My Life by Water", p. 238)
4. violin ("Paean to Place", begins p. 261)
5. handshake ("Easter Greeting", p. 223)
6. disappearing ([To Paul now old enough to read], pp. 146-7)

5th die:
1. love-over-the-fence ([Human bean], p. 243)
2. solitary ("Paean to Place", begins p. 261)

3. dictaphone ([Keen and lovely man moved as in a dance], p. 169)
4. gawks ("Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)
5. human ("Easter Greeting", p. 223)
6. knife ("Violin Debut", p. 161)

6th die:
1. spoon-tapped ("Paean to Place", begins p. 261)
2. women ("Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)
3. thru ("van Gogh", p. 108)
4. generator ([Can knowledge be conveyed that isn't felt], p. 150)
5. disowns ("Shelter", p. 247)
6. machines ("Wintergreen Ridge", begins p. 247)

Captain Ideas

2007-07-17T12:18:00.000-06:00

So, I have a lot of ideas for really cool stuff that I will never/can never follow through with, but I thought I'd post 'em fer grabs. Here are some recent/remembered ones:

1. A course entitled "The Game"-- The primary texts would be The Wire & The Sopranos, & would include readings from Marxist critics, Foucault, etc. I had some other texts, & if I remember them, I'll add later. From David Simon: " Thematically, it's [The Wire] about the very simple idea that, in this Postmodern world of ours, human beings—all of us—are worth less. We're worth less every day, despite the fact that some of us are achieving more and more. It's the triumph of capitalism."

2. Art installation 1: giant ribs (preferably big, like an elephant's, & from a natural death) with a multi-tiered & lavishly decorated cake placed in the middle....

3. Art installation 2: a ginormous cut-out steel tree silhouette the color of dark dusk (blackish-blue) w/ no leaves & off each branch a clear plastic bag with a single goldfish ( to be given away the day of 'opening'- or whatever you call it -obviously i'm not an artiste:). the lighting should be paramount to this too, but i don't think i could describe it....

More laterz.....

Today I found...

2007-06-22T15:34:00.000-06:00

Kristy Bowen's poems in dusie that I thoroughly *loved*

(I think I will try & do this once a day-- I don't get online as much as some, but as it's summer, I get bored easily & will make the effort...)

Reading...

2007-06-19T21:44:00.000-06:00

"It is always easy to mock 'distress,' but we are its contemporaries; we are at the endpoint of what Nous, ratio, & Logos, still today the framework for what we are, cannot have failed to show: that murder is the first thing to count on, and elimination the surest means of identification. Today, everywhere, against this black but 'enlightened' background, remaining reality is disappearing in the mire of a 'globalized' world. Nothing, not even the most obvious phenomena, not even the purest, most wrenching love, can escape this era's shadow: a cancer of the subject, whether in the ego or in the masses..." --Philippe Lacoue-Labarthe, Poetry As Experience

& & &

"The year of Herman Melville's birth was the year pauperism bacame a visible feature of American urban life. After the war of 1812, a new strident nationalism had replaced the classical republicanism of the Founding Fathers, ushering in an era of individualism that made commitment to the 'common good' seem old-fashioned and naive." --Laurie Robertson-Lorant, Melville: A Biography

An meine Schwester (reverse order)

2007-06-19T21:28:00.000-06:00

for her b-day...

inside the envelope, mini books with folklore in them taken from a dictionary....i'd love to do individual projects based on each and every entry, but oh well...

the three individuals are on 2x2 canvases...

Our new bookcase

2007-06-19T21:27:00.001-06:00

C- built it with his g-pa & then we stained it...

Something to drool over

2007-06-06T08:55:00.000-06:00

Check out this beautiful, wonderfully satisfying photo on flickr

2007-06-04T16:16:00.000-06:00

We came home from gardenville with all these plants, & in the process of potting them, disturbed this little 'un-- I only noticed cause it started writhing around at the top of the potting soil bag-- C- hopefully moved it to a better spot 'to let him finish what he needs to do', but, all my natural morbidities aside, it *really* disturbed me....so here is a pic of the face shrouded-- somehow, i *know* i will be paying for this one...

collecting the dead (from a just-mown field) moan

2007-06-04T16:09:00.001-06:00

so, they just mowed the huge field behind our house (which was **full** of waist high grass & wildflowers and teeming, you might say, with all sorts) and i found this skeleton while talking with Michelle-- I thought it was a huge grasshopper (for some reason) & of course C- pointed out that it's probably a squirrel.....these are the sorrows of a renter i suppose, but if he (the mowerguy) had come near the firewheels in front of my house, i mighta had to put my foot down....

systematic sew (r)

2007-06-04T16:02:00.000-06:00

C- thinks these are cheese but I like so so what:)

"Eight Fish Under Water"

2007-05-30T17:02:00.000-06:00

Today, when not watching TV on DVD (where/when is The Wire s.4?? I need thee!) reading essays in Agnes Martin: Works On Paper, a book which is apparently out of print

Thank Mike for Libraries

"...refusal of exhaustive description...a relentlessly limited vocabulary...small scale....small scale...a love of grids....small scale...heartbreakingly tactile & intimate in the openess of the ground....[address the quiet of the mind instead]....Art may be losing the artist's hand...but for [her] painting still carries moral weight......more perfection than possible......and so cannot be reached by theory alone..."

Koala Bees Means...

2007-05-30T16:52:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I heard this on NPR...If you listen to the very end of the story, they play recordings of Koala males bellowing songs in order to convey where their boundaries lie -- make what comparisons you wish - I know I did - but it's really quite fantastic (the koala's bellows, I mean)

Aphids, Always

2007-05-30T10:46:00.000-06:00